The Artist I  Am

Lost but surviving?  I do what I can each day but it doesn't reach my soul?  Why? Because I don't really belong anymore in this one pathway because a side pathway has captured my interest and reached the depths of my initial soul that I always had from the beginning earliest memories that I can remember.  I can blame people or workload or any number of things but the bottom line is...I'm an artist.  Like many who try to get by making a living at doing other things.  I do it that well and have been for years!  I know I make a great living that a lot of woman would endeavor to make.  And I appreciate that I could use some of my talents for that. Each day I give it my all and keep my focus but it doesn't support the black space growing inside me.  I'm empty now as I've aged and I want what makes my soul happy.  Not many people can live being an artist and that is why I'm doing what I do now. I'm extremely committed to my family and supporting them financially. What to do?  Life's a journey, enjoy it. God works in his time and in his way.  Trust the journey.  I didn't die of cancer, so I'm thinking that God wants more from me and wants to help me get there the way he wants. So each day is a new day, a gift!  I approach it that way but I never give up on the artist I am!

Does Less Stress and Workload Volume Increase Creativity and Production?

I have a friend who recently changed jobs.  Her new job is less demanding in terms of work volume and the stress that overload over a long period of time causes.  Every time I see her, she has a new idea for something she is starting or doing outside of her job which has also stimulated her creativity and given her some new found freedom to try some things.  She is energized!  She thinks she is  doing three times more than what she did when she had the previous job but, the difference is that she is able to focus more of her passion on personal endeavors as a balance to her work endeavors.  This is one of the best stories I've heard in a long time!  What would you do if you made changes?  If it's the right change, you might have a similar story. 

Wonder Showing Off Today

I took the dogs out to the backyard and stood on the deck taking in what kind of day it was going to be.  The sun was shining on the trees and some of the ornamental trees had just a few large yellow leaves left on them silhouetted by the large shady oaks behind them.  Then a gust of wind blew, making me look up at one of the younger oaks that I always worried would fall on the house right on the master bedroom where I sleep.  The sunlit top of the tree swayed and the fluttering leaves made sounds as some of them blew off into the air and fluttered toward me.  I took several deep breathes of the cool air that you just never get in the summertime and can't wait for.  Chilly air makes you feel so alive and envigorated, ready to take on anything!

I know, it's something so ordinary and simple.  But, I honestly stopped and thought, did I know last year before my cancer, that I risked loosing this, that I might never have gotten to experience this again?  It doesn't matter because I know it now. Go ahead and show off the wonder of the world God!  Thanks for this wonderful gift!  I hope to have many more days of wonder.

A Divine Lazy Day

A do nothing day. There's nothing like it. It happens so rarely but, when it does, it's just divine!  Some people call it being lazy in a negative sense.  I call being lazy a positive experience! It helps you reset yourself.

You can even mail them some of your garbage!

I watched a National Geographic show on a company called Terracycle which is a really great company tapping into the bio-economics of reusing garbage.  It's run by a 30 something guy. In the episode I watched they made dog collars, leashes, pet beds, pull toys, doggie rain coats, and a cat tunnel from purina dog chow bags. And they had a crane use dog food bags wound together to make a cable to lift a car completely off the ground.  Those bags are strong garbage! They also had several creative sessions on reuse of other materials for some other things. They even had a retail store, with all items in the store made from things they recycled. I just loved that company and it made me rethink throwing away my own garbage - what can I repurpose?

I also watched a another show on a few people remaking a part of the Titanic.  This was fascinating as they were doing it the same way it would've been done in those times.  They had to bend steel for the hull, make an electric industrial oven, make a coal turbine machine, etc.  They had dishes made at the same company that made the china for the Titanic and this company took the pattern out of retirement.  They invited the desendents of the passengers of the Titanic to a meal that was from a menu served on the Titanic and it was cooked from all the appliances they made that were used on the Titanic and using the electricity from the coal turbine. It was a really interesting documentary and remake of time in history when electricity was just beginning to be used for different applications.

And I took a nice long luxurious bath.  There's nothing like soaking in a hot bubble bath!

I wasn't completely sedentary though, as I walked all five dogs too.  You can't forget the 4 paw family members in the house.

Matt was having a lazy day too(unusual for him!) and, Michelle was gone all day, so the energy in the house was perfect for laziness!

I woke up today early and totally refreshed from my lazy day yesterday.  My mind is bursting with all kinds of ideas because yesterday I let it have a break. My bodies ready for some exercise and activity and I'm excited to get my day today going! Are you?  If not, let me recommend a lazy day!

Tribute to my Dad Today

I always think of my Dad on Father's Day like many children do.  I miss him, his smile, his teasing.  My sister Barb wrote one of the daily updates that we emailed to each other when Dad was sick.  This is called, "A Very Rich Man,"  written on 9-7-00.

"What gift has providence bestowed on man that is so dear to him as his
children?"  (Cicero 106-43 B.C.)

I once asked Dad if he had any regrets in life, anything that he would have done differently. His answer will come as no surprise to you as Dad replied that he wished he would've had more time to spend with his kids when we were growing up. The tables now seem to be turned as I wish everyday that I could spend more time with Dad, even if it is to quietly sit by his side.

I talked with Mom earlier this evening and she is looking forward to #1 daughter Cindy coming home. She should arrive around 8:30 or 9:00 PM. (Cindy safely arrived about 10:00 PM) This stage of Dads illness brings with it a whole new array of challenges to overcome. Dad is not swallowing well anymore, so getting medication orally presents problems. It may be that we're moving toward IV medication. The hospice nurse today updated Dr. Caruso on Dad's condition and they decided to add another 25mcg. patch for a total of
125mcg Fentanyl to try and control the pain and possibly reduce the amount of oral medication Dad is taking. It is also very difficult to move Dad these days and thankfully my brothers have been able to stay with Mom and do a lot of the lifting required.

Today my 2 year old Kieran picked up the phone and said "I talk to Pop Pop." She often pretends to talk to various members of the family on the phone, and in fact lately has taken to answering the phone herself. I thought how nice that she feels so attached to her Grammie and Pop Pop and then almost as quickly I felt a deep pang of sadness knowing that Kieran will grow up without her Pop Pop, and that she may not even remember time spent with him. ....And so the emotions seem to go these days. I feel so fortunate to have
had Mom and Dad in my life for as long as I have and then I feel so saddened that my kids and especially little Brayden won't experience first hand all the many gifts of their Pop Pop. I worry whether or not I will be able to relate to Shelby, Kieran and Brayden how wonderful and loving Dad is, how much he has influenced my life, and how much I adore him?  Perhaps more importantly I wonder if I will be able to positively influence their lives as much as Dad has mine.

   "One hundred years from now it will not matter what kind of house I lived in, what kind of car I drove, how much I had in my bank account, nor what my clothes looked like.   But the world may be a little better because I was important in the life of a child........."

Dad you are the richest man I know, there is no doubt that I'm a better person, that my brothers and sisters are better people, and that the world is a better place thanks to you.

Signing off with love and prayers,
Barb #8 of 10
And then my next favorite email article written by my brother Dan:

 "Sit Long, Talk Much"...

It's on a hand carved wooden sign in the kitchen, a gift from Pam to celebrate the kitchen as the social center of our family home at 283 North Saint Marys Street. We often tease Dad and Mom that "Sit Long" and "Talk Much" are also their Native American Indian names based on some of thier notable social habits! 

While "Sit Long" was in for his nap the other day Itook the opportunity to spend a few moments in the chair that has holds him in it's arms for so many hours each day.  I looked around the room and imagined how things must look from Dads perspective throughout the course of each day.  It's a comfortable chair in a strategic location- near the doorways to the kitchen and parlor which leads to the master bedroom.  It offers an amazing view of 19 grandchildren and six golden grads, and of angels perched on bookshelves, and fireplace mantel.  It's a box seat ticket to the Masters, Pittsburgh Pirate baseball, to Penn State and Steeler
football. Sunshine can be seen peeking through the windows in the front room or the living room depending on time of day.  The chair is only a few feet from the computer where daily updates are created and daily well wishes are downloaded to the printer.  It's a good spot to greet guests- and be greeted.

It's a front row pew at communion time or during times of prayer or reflection.  It's also a great spot to keep an eye and ear out for "Talk Much" - and she for him!  I know it's hard for Dad to spend so much time in
this chair everyday, especially when he's not feeling well. But I also know that he chooses to think of his new "world headquarters" in the most positive light, another shining example of how he inspires us all to look
for the good in every situation.

Stay tuned for more about "Talk Much" on my next turn at update!  I need to
get this off the my editor in St. Marys before the midnight deadline.  Until
then,  I am...

Sincerely yours,
# 6 Dan (oldest of the younger siblings & Mom's favorite!)

Moving Forward

You get the most out of life by keeping your momentum moving forward.  Something doesn't work?  Think of what to do differently.  Moving forward helps you grow and learn.  Sometimes it's hardwork and there are lots of obstacles.  These can make you look at things differently, come up with different ideas, etc. 

Respond In Real Time - Old concept that works!

I loved Seth Godin's blog today because it was a very human way to prioritze your work and determine when interactions are best done in person or with a phone call.  In business we often get pulled into the high production trap and become focused on getting things done through email.  This often makes you feel removed and can affect the heart you put into things as heart comes from the energy and syncronization of others heart and ideas.  I'm copying Seth's blog below so I don't lose it and so that I can go back and read it occasionally.

Synchronicity, intimacy and productivity  - Seth Godin

A shortcut to customer and co-worker intimacy is to respond in real time. A phone call is more human than an email, a personal meeting has more impact than a letter.
On the other hand, when you do your work on someone else's schedule, your productivity plummets, because you are responding to the urgent, not the important, and your rhythm is shot.
The shortcut analysis, it seems to me, is to sort by how important it is that your interactions be intimate. If it's not vitally important that you increase the energy and realism of the relationship, then insert a buffer. Build blocks of time to do serious work, work that's not interrupted by people who need to hear from you in real time, right now.
On the other hand, for interactions when only a hug or a smile will do, allocate the time and the schedule to be present.
Confusing the two is getting easier than ever, and it's killing your ability to do great work.